The "Turkey" at Thanksgiving

"Uncle Gerry, throw the blanket"! Miss Gabby thought it was a ton of fun to have Tatone & Uncle Gerry throwing blankets at her. She was quite a "turkey" today! Wound up and wanting to run and play! She's coming out of her shy way of being and doesn't stop talking or wanting to have fun! She was in charge, certainly....telling them when they could throw the blankets. "Mark, get set, gooooooooooooooo"! Talk about a woman in charge!!!!!!!!!

Gabby was showing me Zoe, Elmo, Bert & Ernie. She was quite the story teller! I must admit, she is VERY smart! I cannot believe how much she has grown over the last few months! She does have me wrapped right around her little finger....I wouldn't want it to be any other way! :-)

Resting our bellies, trying to make room for dessert! My mother put on quite the spread. All sorts of pies....banana cream, chocolate cream, pumpkin, apple, pecan....whoa! So much to choose from. I don't know how I managed but I got down a slice of chocolate cream! YUMMY!

My mother also surprised us girls this year with our childhood Christmas Tree!!!!!! For those of you who don't know, my mother has failed to put up the tree that for the last 20 something years of my life, was what I was use to. It ALL started when she stopped stuffing our Christmas stockings and doing "gift bags with goodies". I had a ROUGH one over that....separation from childhood....tears and complete drama! It nearly threw me into a panic attack. Then, one year I went home for Christmas (two years ago) to find a "Charlie Brown Tree" in the living room. Let me just say, it nearly sent me into another year of therapy. I have never stopped giving my mother shit. She was very proud of her little thing she called a Christmas Tree. One with barely any branches, adorned with antique ornaments and wooden red bead garland. It was the kind of tree you find at a Country store on display. Well, it seems as though I will re-visit my childhood AGAIN this year (THANKS MOM!) and perhaps, if I bring home my Christmas stocking, I can somehow use my manipulative tactics and get her to stuff it this year!!!!!!!!! WHA whooooooooo! Hey, I'm not thirty-something without getting this down to a science!

The Reason I Continue the Journey of Getting Pregnant...

It's all over with for this cycle. No more drug injections at least until my next cyle. Gerry and I got the news yesterday that our I.V.F. cycle was cancelled due to my body not responding to the drugs. I thank ALL of you for your love, concern and support. I couldn't have gotten this far without the love of all my beautiful friends and family.
THERE IS GOOD NEWS: We are still going to be able to do I.U.I.!!!!!!!!! So, I am committed to the possibility of twins! There are two eggs that are available and if is meant to be, we will have good news before Christmas! So, let's all keep the energy positive and perhaps we will produce results!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is my BEAUTIFUL niece I like to show off, Miss Gabby!!!!! When I look at her, it reminds me of why I am committed to having a child(ren) of my own. Every night I injected myself with all the "hormonal concoctions", I thought of her BIG, brown eyes and her sweet little voice. She is a true love and I could eat her cheeks with a spoon!!!!!!!!!!!!

ACKNOWLEDGING WHAT I GOT:

• What I got out of my experience this month is KNOWING that I could do it!!!! I could mix drugs, inject myself every night, take pills and be disciplined in taking my drugs on time....even if it meant bringing them to dinner!!! :-)
• I got that my husband loves me for everything that I am and everything that I am not (again!)....especially when jacked up on drugs and freaking out and being upset and NOT pleasant to be around, let alone, live with. It was a true test of our marriage and relationship. THANK YOU HONEY!
• I also got that there are a lot of people committed to us being parents:
• My mom who listened to me cry in the middle of the day & gave up what she was doing to listen to me "blat" about nothing....because I could never really come up with a good "reason" to be sobbing. She would love NOTHING more than to be here helping Gerry & I with the grand-baby. She even has given me the baby's quilt. I just need a baby to wrap up in it!
• My father-in-law who always throws positive energy in my space when really I wanted to be "right" about my "woes". I use to call Gg and cry on her shoulder....now he's got the big job of calming me! :-) Thanks dad!
• Laura-Jean (infertility nurse) is AMAZING! She has this ENORMOUS amount of energy and a heart as big as the world. She even met me on SATURDAY to pick up more drugs (on her day off), to help me! She even listened to my upsets throughout the last two months and still remained committed! LOVE YA SWEETIE!
• Sarah Woods (Acupuncture & Herbs) who was willing to learn acupuncture for infertility to help Gerry and I. She was a little nervous and hesitant at first but I told her that I trusted her and had nothing in my space about what she could do/not do for me and anything she was committed to was perfect in my world.
• My friends at the gym who kept me on track (I tend to talk more than I "walk") getting the weight off for this first treatment. Also for the ego boosts that they give me with all their compliments! You guys are the best!!!
• I got that everyone at work loves me! Those who saw me sob for no good reason and gave me the space to let it all out. For the flexibility of my MANY appointments, leaving the front desk short handed. Mikki & Justine, who listened to me for countless hours and never once, judging me.
• I got that my friend Justine loves me and was part of many of my debacles....securing drugs, being my "therapist" and just letting me be me & creating a LOT of FUN that kept my mind off of the seriousness behind this "art" of getting pregnant! THANKS WOMAN!
• My friends Leslie, who had tried for FIVE years to get pregnant, and DID! She was there for me every step of the way and with unconditional love. She calms me in the stormiest of times and knows EXACTLY what I'm going through. I LOVE YOU!!!!
• My friend Melissa, the hours spent coaching me and listening to me go "south" many a nights! It takes a strong woman to handle another strong woman like me! I am very thankful that you are "in my space" and part of my life. Thanks for all your love, coaching and friendship!
• My friend, Jaime....thank you for sharing your life and giving me the opportunity to be a part of your pregnancy....sharing and caring! Thanks sweetie!
• Anyone and everyone....I love you all! Gerry and I will get there and there is no other love than that generated from the heart and soul from our friends and family! Please know that it is that love that has gotten us through all of this! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Déjà vu or too many Mai Tai's???

It was a week ago today that Forrest & Justine decided it was high time I take a break from the "Hormonal Rollercoaster" and jet set to Portland for dinner and drinks with them! What reminded me about the fun time we had was clearly Déjà vu.....

I went to Portland today for a hair cut and lunch with my dear friend, Leslie (the mom of the gorgeous twins...) & also another "drug run". I decided that I would head over to the Mall and do a little shopping. As I'm standing in line at NY & Company to make a small purchase, I see this girl filling out an application for Employment. I stood there, STARING, trying to figure out why she looked familiar and why I felt like I had been in that same space/time with her once before. It DAWNED on me that last week, she was filling out an application while I was standing in line at the SAME STORE! As I got closer to the register, I approached her and said, "Do you have to come here every week to fill out an application"? She giggled and said, "No, they lost my application". I said, "I was here, standing in line last Saturday at the SAME TIME, and you were right there, filling out an application"! We both laughed at the irony and couldn't believe it. I was even sporting the SAME JEANS!!! :-)

So THANKS Forrest & Justine for the GREAT time! It will be a night not forgotten!!!! :-)

So, I'm off early tomorrow morning to go to Maine Medical in PORTLAND AGAIN for another suppression test/blood work. I will know tomorrow whether or not my doctor is going to cancel this cycle and do an I.U.I. treatment. Problems with my estrogen levels not being high enough. Will keep you all posted!

No WONDER People don't Contribute to Charity!!!!

HOW IT ALL STARTED:
"It is time once again for St. Mary's School Christmas Fair and Ye Olde Bake Shoppe is in need of your favorite recipes! Anyone wishing to donate baked goods may drop them off at school Friday, November 18th, or Saturday, November 19th, before 9:00a.m. As always, thank you for your endless support of our school. If you have any quesitons, please call..." That was how it was stated in the Augusta-Gardiner Catholic Community Newsletter.

So, this drama started several weeks ago, when I called offering to donate cookies. After two attempts to reach the contact person, I get a message stating what needed to be given to drop off my cookies.....the name and grade level of the child and a description of the cookie. Where is that listed in the quoted article above??? I called the "contact" back and stated that I didn't have any children and was doing it as a kind gesture and even told her I was a member of a local Catholic Church. She asked if I knew of any children at the school. I told her I thought a friend of mine had a couple of kids that went there. She went on to explain that the kids at St. Mary's get "credit" towards their "volunteer time" that they need each month and that I just needed to put their name(s) and grade level in the information tag of what kind of cookies I baked. I thought it was odd. So, I try to contact my friend, going through the details of why I needed such personal information and stated I would NOT be offended if he chose not to give me that information. Needless to say, I never got a response. So I call back the "contact" and explain that I felt really weird about getting personal information about my friend's kids and was going to decline on my offer to donate cookies. She couldn't BELIEVE that any parent would be offended by needing "grade level" information because of the "credit" that is given to the children. I told her that I wasn't going to push it and that I could always give the cookies to the Bread of Life Soup Kitchen. She then told me that there were donations accepted even if there wasn't a childs name/grade level attached to it. So, I finally clear this with another friend---willing to make cookies too---and give her the go ahead! :-)

So, last night, I was checking my recipe and noted that I should take butter out of the freezer. THERE ISN'T ANY! I look at my husband, clearly miffed and exclaimed that I had been to the grocery store EVERY night this week and could not believe that I had to go back for butter! I scream into Hannaford's at lunch time today, secure the butter (and extra because it was on sale). I get home late tonight because of another doctor appointment I had, get down to business making my cookies only to find........NO SUGAR!!!!!!!!!!!!! I looked at my husband and said, "You have got to be *@!#@* kidding me! Did you not see when you poured sugar for the coffee, that there was none left"??? He said, "Well, there IS still sugar left in the jar". (AUGGGGG!!!!) There was BARELY 1/2 of a 1/4 of a cup left! WILD, I grabbed my purse and headed for the door! Gerry yells, "WAIT, HONEY, you have your apron on"! I said, "I really don't give a crap"! With that, I left for the nearest pit stop on route 3....apron and all. On my way to the store......I get pulled over by the State Police!!!!!!!! (AUGGGGGGGGG). The trooper came to my window and I said, "I really just want to cry". He looked at me and asked why. (Tip for men: NEVER ask a woman "why anything" because WE will tell ALL). So, as briefly as I could, I told him the whole St. Mary's cookie debacle. After the sob story and seeing me in my apron, he waived me off! THANKS MAN! :-)

The cookies are FINALLY made....several hours later. I've taken a picture of my hard work and hope that God blesses me for holding my integrity in getting the job done!

The "Blood Drive"...

So, this is the FIRST time that there was a breakdown in communication for my suppression test/blood work to check follicle growth and hormone levels.

BACKGROUND: Mind you, my day starts at 3:30 in the morning when I drag my ass out of bed to get to the gym and work out to keep myself healthy for the coming pregnancy & life in general. I race through a shower, make the trip to Portland for my 7:30 appointment (with enough time to get a coffee and gas...(notice the order of importance). Before I left, I asked the sonographer about blood work. She explained that she didn't have an order for it and that the lab tech didn't come in until 8:30. I questioned her about it because I was pretty sure the protocol was suppression test AND blood work. She indicated that perhaps the order was going to be blood work locally... in the area of where I work----an hour north! When I got back to the office, I called Laura-Jean (infertility nurse) and left a message to have her call and let me know when I should go to the hospital in Augusta for blood work. Fourty-five mintutes later, she calls me, telling me that I CANNOT have blood drawn in Augusta and that I have to get to the closest NordX lab....which was 45 mintues away. I explained rather "hormonally", that I WAS NOT happy about that breakdown in communication and had I KNOWN, I would have waited an hour for the lab tech to come draw my blood. I had to go ALL THE WAY BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BLOOD WORK REVEALS: The long awaited phone call finally came in. The doctor is not pleased with my estrogen levels and now I'm up to three shots a night...Lupron, Follistim & adding Menopur (stimulates follicle growth & the ovaries to produce eggs). I've got another scheduled suppression test Wednesday morning at 7:00a.m. I will NOT leave until someone has taken blood from my arm!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-)

That's the latest scoop! The good thing that came out of that breakdown was a breakthrough!I got some really good coaching from my friend Melissa with regard to relationships! THANKS SWEETIE! It was "meant to be"! :-)

"An Alien has Invaded my Wife"!!!!

I think Gerry is convinced an alien has entered my body. Yesterday, the first 20 minutes of my day at work, I was crying hysterically for no good reason. I called my mother, barely able to breathe, just needing to have someone to love me in that moment!
So, later in the day, I have my acupuncture appointment (of which I was sooooo looking forward to). If you haven't read my previous post about securing a Birth Control Pill, you'll need to in order to get why I'm sharing this story....(go catch up and then finish reading this).
So, my acupuncturist is asking me how my treatment cycle is going with the hormone injections. I told her the "butt" story and she said, "Oh, I can treat you tonight for your tail bone". I'm ALL over it!!!! Now, for any of you who have experienced acupuncture, typically, the area of concern is addressed in another area....like you have pain in your arm, you get a pin in your ear. Anyway, I'm on my belly and she proceeds to pull my panties down. The raise of the eyebrow is cause for concern... :-) She starts probing around my tail bone and asks me to tell her when it hurts. Well, I'm laying there, overwhelmed that she's probing in that area and I really had a hard time pin pointing the area of pain so she said, "This is really uncharted territory for me. Perhaps you can feel around and tell me where it hurts". Four pins later and my tail bone is feeling so much better. :-))

As the drama continues.....when I came home from my appointment and the rollercoaster ride of a day, I started crying again!!!!!!!!!! Gerry said, "What is going on? Why are you crying"? I'm blubbering, "I don't know! I'm just crying"!!!! I got to giggling later about it because I'm thinking, "Why do people associate crying with needing a reason to cry? Can a person just cry and not really have a reason"? Then, I started LOOKING FOR A REASON for why I was crying and I came back to him (crying), saying, "Well, maybe it's because I haven't had a bowel movement in days (from prenatals), I've got blemishes on my back where no blemishes have ever been, my hair is dry and falling out, I had four pins on my ass to relieve my tail bone tonight and I'm tired"! Ohhhhh! For the love of God.....our child(ren) better love the choice we have made to have them in our lives!! :-)